I am officially scoring a big f*****g F on life. And as far as weight its been a loose 2 win 1 situation the last couple months and i am SO fed up with it. I've effed up everything...from relationships, to academics, to how I treat my one and only body in this damn life. There is nothing positive on the horizon at this moment. All I want is for it to be 2 weeks from now and for me to be in a hospital because i lost so much weight so that was the only option. But, like I said, the weight sit. has been loose 2, gain 1. So its taking way to long to get to where i want to be. Is this a recovery blog? Yes. Is this a recovery post? Hell no. Someone else is taking over, or should I say something else. Fuck ED. (is it totally deservable of hell for a girl who follows God to use such language??[I hope not]) Living(hardly), learning(the worst possible way), and loving(uh, who?) is what I am doing. And its what I DONT want to be doing. I want to be left in a corner to lick my self-made wounds, I want to crawl in a hole and die. I want no more of this. But tomorrow is a new day, I am not eating anything...at all. I NEED EMPTY.
Peace
Maddi
xxx
2 comments:
Maddi listen to you, your voice and not the ED. Not eating tomorrow will not solve anything, and someone as young and lovely as you doesn't deserve to end up stuck in hospital.
You have not stuffed things up. Please don't think like this. The past has happened, there is nothing you can do except learn from it and move on, leave that guilt and self blame behind - you've gotten through some challenging times, which is an achievement in itself, and it's not too late to be friends with yourself and treat your body with the love it deserves.
The best part of this post - Fuck ED...because you are better than it.
Sarah x
Maddi, you can get through this. You deserve to live your life free of ED.
Scott
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