Today has been completely uneventful, and I really dont have much to say. Woke up, went thru the usual morning routine, and went to church wearing one of the new tops I bought yesterday. I have been feeling quite large today, which doesnt really make sense since i havent gained weight. It would be impossible since i only had around 1000 cals yesterday. I was telling that to Mary yesterday and she was like EAT!! But i explained that it is hard when you have to eat out every meal, and I guess that maybe Friday scared me, so I was maybe restricting a bit. Buut, I dont want to slip, and I have set like a bottom weight that i cant drop below, and if I do, I have to gain to get back up to it immediately. It may not be an ideal weight but it is a lot better than where i was. For lunch i just had plain oatmeal with a tbsp of nutella and a few peanuts on top, and i want an apple but we dont have any. :/ The rest of the day is just going to be working on hw. Then we are going to the Milners for dinner, and the Cooks will be there too, and I am really getting anxious about that because the dinner is like pasta, already prepared with like gobs of cheese, which equals gobs of fat to me. :/ And I am scared to have Abbi see how much or little I eat, and I am scared that if she doesnt eat much it will totally trigger my ed. *sigh*
Why that has to be such a big deal I dont know. I should just try to enjoy myself, and keep my lunch smaller so that i wont worry. I should be looking at Abbi and be trying to eat more then her! But the problem is my Ed wont let me...he is awfully strong today, idk why. Another thing is KArli inboxed me on FB which TOTALLY surprised me, i didnt expect to hear from her, and of course i didnt want to try to contact her for fear of being shut out...So we are going to take a walk or go to coffee sometime, so we can talk, and i can ask her that question about how i used to be. I should go...Maybe, even tho i have a ton of HW, i will take a walk since it is so nice and sunny outside. A complete surprise since it was dreadfully cloudy this morning.
~I believe that my friends wont forget me as long as I dont forget them.
Maddi
xxx
Why that has to be such a big deal I dont know. I should just try to enjoy myself, and keep my lunch smaller so that i wont worry. I should be looking at Abbi and be trying to eat more then her! But the problem is my Ed wont let me...he is awfully strong today, idk why. Another thing is KArli inboxed me on FB which TOTALLY surprised me, i didnt expect to hear from her, and of course i didnt want to try to contact her for fear of being shut out...So we are going to take a walk or go to coffee sometime, so we can talk, and i can ask her that question about how i used to be. I should go...Maybe, even tho i have a ton of HW, i will take a walk since it is so nice and sunny outside. A complete surprise since it was dreadfully cloudy this morning.
~I believe that my friends wont forget me as long as I dont forget them.
Maddi
xxx
1 comment:
Maddi,
I pray that your night out will go good for you and that you will be free of ED anxiety. Just remember that food is our medicine, and it is not bad. I know this is hard, and I had a fear of cheese also, but just try to go into it with an open mind and realise that nobody is forcing you to eat the food, but also that the food isn't going to hurt you, so why NOT eat it? Cheese is very nutritious, it is a good source of calcium, just think of it that way Maggie :]
I know you will do great!
Scott
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