Home.

So, wow, I have a lot to say so I should just start at the very beginning. Lets see... Friday first. My T app. was moved to 4:15 pm rather than 9:45, which was really nice because then we didnt have to leave so early in the morning. We ended up leaving at about, idk, probly 9:15 ish. At first it was just going to be me, my mom, and C, and C was coming because she had her dance audition Sat. but we also ended up taking this kid named Corbin. He is C's age and super cute and funny, and his mom surprisingly let him come and spend the night with us over there because she was busy Sat. so she couldnt take him to try out. I was a little unsure about him coming, because i wanted to be able to talk to C because I never do, but it was nice for her to have someone, and mom and I got some good time together in, so in the end i was actually pretty happy that he came. He is so funny! :0) And also a really good dancer, even tho he has only done it for a year.It was snowing on Bluet(sp?) Pass, and I took a pic. It was really pretty, I havent driven over the mountains while it was snowing since a gymnastics meet a long time ago. And it wasnt snowing to the point of the roads being really scary, so I actually liked it. ;) We got to the first app. in Bellevue a little early.
This app. was with a psychologist or psychiatrist, I cant remember which, and I was a bit nervous since I have never been to an app. like that. The guys name was Dr. Suh. It was actually a great app. and I am so glad my T recommended going. He just asked me lots of questions, but not in a scary drill kind of way, and it was really easy to understand. Then he explained to my mom and I that I am just a really passionate person. passion=suffer, so he told me I just suffer a lot for others, which is so true, and i just feel things more deeply. Like, he said I really have a passionate heart, and so when it is broken, it just hurts so much more then like the average person who would just move on like whatever, its just life.
I cant say how much better i felt after that. Like, I am finally getting an idea of who I am. Before this, i just thought i was a screw up and i didnt know who i was or why i was feeling so out of it, and so different, and i just wasnt able to see who i am, and what i am really like. It also helped me to understand that even with the Thur. incident with the whole selfish thing, it was just because i am so intune, and so focused on NOT being selfish, that when someone told me i was, i believed it completely and it tore me because thats something i just so do not want to be!!!
the other thing is he suggested slowly coming off of Prosac, and then we'll take it from there. I hardly take any at all, so he thinks in about two weeks i could be off it. I want to see what i am like without drugs, because since i can remember, like from 2nd grade, i have been on them, so i want to know what i am like without them. if its bad i am willing to go back on.
After that app. we went to Pikes Place. It was rainy, as opposed to last weekend when it was brilliantly sunny, but that was alright. I had a veggie yeero w/ hummus for lunch, no pic tho, and then i bought Mary her b-day present(finally!) I bought her a little card holder from like Indonesia, and a really cute coinpurse. :) Also at the same place my mom bought me a little silver wish stone, thingy, that says 'passion' in english on one side, and chinese on the other. How appropriate! :) After that Corbin and my mom each bought a crumpet at The Crumpet Shop, C had already had one before lunch. Then C wanted icecream, so we bought her some, and i saw a flavor called Honey Lavender, so i asked for a sample because that just sounded so different. It was DELICIOUS!! So of course i got a scoop, and thoroughly enjoyed it! My ed was totally telling me I shouldnt have had it, because i had a large dinner coming, and i had already had a plenty large breakfast that morning, but i told it to go jump off a bridge because i LOVED that flavor, and me, Maddi, really wanted some!!! Haha, that was kind of fun, to just show my ed, even if it was just that once, that i can tell it off and it DOES NOT have complete control over my food decisions!! :) The Public Market! Love that place so muuuuch! The most unique icecream flavor i have ever had: Honey Lavender. So good, i am definitely going to get it the next time i am there!
After that we drove to the Camlin and dropped off Clarissa and Corbin, and went to my T app. It was a bit lame bc my mom decided randomly that she too wanted to have time so she went first and used up more than half the time!!I was like what the frick?!?! Urgh, but it I ended up having enough time, although i would have loved to have more. I told her about my previous week, and the major ups and downs in weight and emotion. It felt good to get it out of me, to someone who really cares and listens!!
O yes, prior to this app. I chatted with Mary on the phone for a while. That was great, we had a really good chat, and i asked her what i should do about the Poages. She said i shouldnt apologize to Jaymie, Jay seriously doesnt deserve it. I was a little unsure but then I told Dr. K about it and she agreed too. She also had some very good reasons why. Then she suggested i just go and ask karli what i was like during dive season. I honestly dont remember...i was so sick...and just really not there. I thought that was a good idea, and i totally felt comfortable with that, until i got home and got on FB and went on Karli's page and saw that a post i had left a couple days ago that read, "how are you friend?" had been deleted by her!!!! LIke omg, I guess she doesnt want me calling her my friend!! So i guess those relationships are over...which disappointments me, but my T said(about Jay at this point, but now i can apply it to karli) that if they are treating me like that, they dont deserve to be friends with me. That is a good way at looking at it. The rest of my talk with Mary was good, i pretty much talked with her until i entered the office,:).
The other thing my T and i talked about was just how i am ignored and treated like dirt by the girls in my class, and she said i should come up with some comebacks to show that i am not as vulnerable as they think. I am so afraid to be mean, but she convinced me that i cant just let myself get 'beat up' like this, so i am going to try on Monday to take a stand. The next time someone hears me but doesnt want me to be a part of the convo says, 'What, did you say something?', i am going to say 'ya, i was saying that i forgot butts dont have ears." ok, so maybe not, i cant picture myself saying something like that to someones face, but, lol, maybe i should. Haha, idk, probs not.
After that we went to my fave resteraunt, Taste of India, and had a fab dinner. They are so nice there, they must have recognized me, even tho its been a while. They gave us each a free cup of chai while we were waiting outside, then they gave us two little appetizer plates while we were waiting, then when we were seated and waiting for our meals to come they gave us a third but bigger appetizer plate. Also they gave us a AMAZING piece of cheesecake afters. Unfortunately i am not very good at remembering to take photos of food yet, so there is no pic of that. I ordered tikka masala, with veggies, and it goes over basami rice. So Sos sosososo sooooo good!!! Oh, yeah, and i also ordered chai, which is bottomless, they put more in your mugg even if its not even half gone!! :) Well, I ate WAY to much. This picture doesnt make it look as appealing as it really was! I blame that on the bad lighting, :) And thats what was left of it. All the good veggies are gone, and the rice is on another plate.

When we got to the Camlin i went ahead of everyone else and threw up in the bathroom. I didnt want to , honestly!!! I hate throwing up, i was actually just going to go to the bathroom, and i felt it coming, so i just puked a lot, right there. It sucked. :/ I absolutely hate doing that! Like, i dont feel like i have a problem, like bulimic, because i dont purposely stuff myself then throw up on purpose. I guess my stomach just really couldnt handle that much food, it was a quite a bit more then i am used too...Well, after that un-enjoyable incident, i went swimming for a while, then when the pool closed at 11 i watched some olympics. That was neat, my last day to watch them since we dont have TV. I fell asleep after 12. :)
The next day we went The Crumpet Shop and I had a crumpet with nothing but blackberry reserves, which was yummy, but i forgot my cam, so no pic, haha. I also had a small mug of black coffee. Ya, an ed thing, but I DO like it, so its not just about the virtually no calories. Then we walked back and while the two C's, haha, got ready my mom and I went shopping!!! YA!! it was awesome, i went to American Eagle and bought 4 new tops and a skirt and 2 pairs of shorts. For spring obviously, so I cant wear them yet. That was so fun to buy new clothes, i feel like i have had the same summer clothes for the past few years, and, well, its kinda true. I was also happy bc the x-smalls still fit me! I was so afraid i wouldnt fit into them...an ED thought for sure, but that even made me, Maddi, happy because i am such a perfectionist, and perfect, to me, is small. Urgh, no that is still an ED thought. Bleh, whatever, point is, i got some really cute clothes and i am really happy with my purchases! I am hoping to wear one of my new tops to church tomorrow. :) After that fun escapade we went back to Bellevue where the dance thing was. its funny bc my T's daughter, Stevie, is also a dancer and has gone to that summer camp a couple times. Clarissa said after the thing that she was REAlLY good, like one of the best.
During the dance thing, my mom and i went to Starbucks with Miriam, the lady from the adoption agency who had matched my parents with Naomi. They had never met in person, just talked over the phone. At starbucks i tried the perfect oatmeal for the first time. It was tasty!!!!! Not like amazing, but i like the toppings a whole lot. That was my lunch, along with a mug of black coffee. yummers!

Meeting with Miriam was neat. She quit her job with Faith International, and told us the new news that tomorrow is the first day open for the new agency that she started!! AWESOME!!!! It is called Agape Adoptions. "Agape" litterally means like,'parental love' or something, so i think its more than perfect. I asked her if she had a logo, and she said no, she hasnt figured out anything for that yet, so i offered to design one. She seemed thrilled. I already have some ideas in my head, and i cant wait to put them onto paper!!! I love that i now have a productive way to use my art.
I love being artistic, and im always trying to find a way to be that. Currently i am working on a couple bracelets, i finished one, the next i probly wont do till Monday since hw comes first, but who knows. Also i am doing an awesome disney character collage for Mary, just for fun. But that all has to wait because i have to make a 'cartoon' about the Odyssey, which is due Monday. My mom thankfully said i could work on it during church, since it is just drawing, so i can still listen. :) Good way to save time. After that we picked up the C's, :), and started our drive home. We went over Stevens pass tho, so unfortunately no stopping at TJ's. :( O well, next time. Everyone got something at McD's for dinner, but i passed, wanting to wait for a Subway. Well, I had to wait till Leavenworth, but the wait was well worth it as i enjoyed a superb veggie delight.
I dont think i have left anything noteworthy out, but i just wrote a book. ;) O well. I did text Mary a lot during the ride. poor thing was stuck at a not so fun b-day party, so i kept her company. :p Haha, it was nice talking, even tho just through texts. I must be off tho, i should atleast do one HW thing before bed, or else i will have a major load tomorow. I hate hw over the weekends. Whatevers, good night!!
Maddi
xxx
P.S.
Some scones my sis made, that i had earlier this week. Tasty tasty, i havent had a scone in ages so it was a treat! Also, to you peoples who are following my blog, thanks a ton, and i love you! xoxoxo