Hullo! :)

So sorry about my last post in which I preceeded to rant about the difficulties of having an eatig disorder...;) well so I didn't end up telling anyone what's up, well I sort of told my T at my appt. yesterday, but not all the way...and I didn't tell her how I was thinking about it. Now I feel bad tho and I know I should tell her...Anyway, aside from that, yesterdays appt. went well, altho I still don't see myself as neccisarily getting anything out of it?!?!

Ok, so on to a recap of Thursday and Friday!! :D My mom and I drove over to Seattle and went to my sisters dance studio and they had a meeting with her instructor, then my mom had another appointment so she dropped me off at a park on Lake Washington and I went swimming!!!! It was soooo nice, the water was amazing, perfect temperature and everything! I swam out to the no wake bouey and back, and dove(shallow diving, just in case) off the dock a couple of times before a lifegaurd told me there was no swimming allowed! Haha, oops! I didn't want to get out just then but at least I had gotten a little bit of time in the water. Then I laid on the dock listening to music and dozig off and watching a really cute couple sit together and fish. It made me want a boyfriend...;) After that awesome time to myself we went back to C's studio and watched a class then drove to a friends house and spent the night. My appt. was early Friday morning, but I felt refreshed and ready to get up! After that we went to Kirkland and I had several hours to myself while my mom watched my sister again. I went to starbucks and sipped coffee, then went to the waterfront and drew some, then wandered through some art galleries which was especially neat now that I am taking that class. I ended up buying a tiny bit of icecream too, which I did NOT purge, and I was really good too, and nice and small. :) after that I did some more drawings with sharpie which turned out pretty cool! I can't wait to post some of my work! I will probably just wait till the class is over tho! :) thennnn I went shopping at some consignment shops! I got 4 new tops, one is from J Crew!! Haha, score! :D I found a cute pair of black jeans at costco today too that will go good with those tops! After that I went to the park and drew some people, but they kept moving. Haha, well the challenge made it fun! After that I met up with my mom again and we got my sis and drove home.

This morning I hopped in the pool but it is colder than the lake was, so I didn't stay in long! :) and now I need to complete another art assignment because try are starting to pile up...D:

ED wize the weight still is coming off... Slower than I would like it too, it's weird, I feel like I don't even want to be recovered right now, I can't exactly place my finger on why. I really don't know, it's not like I've even had an ED for all that long, is it just a stage you go through? Like quite frankly recovery sounds like a lot of poop to me, am I terrible for saying that??? Questions questions questions, I have a lot floating around in my head right now, the main one being, "why the heck am I not wanting to be recovered??!?!?!?" I hope that all makes some sense that I feel that way, I hope that I am not just a hopeless case for thinking like that, but am I??? Agh, it's driving me crazy knowing what I am doing but not stopping!!! It's as tho I am going to go until I am FORCED to stop, like IP, but that wouldn't keep my mind from keeping going in the wrong direction!! :P it's all so MESSED UP!!!

Ok, so I gotta go do that drawing, it's supposed to be abstract, so I have to pick something and draw t in a way that makes it so you can hardly tell what the thing is! And I might just throw some color in there for fun!

Your thoughts on this would be more than welcome!! :)

Maddi
xxx