I feel like a flower trying to survive in a dessert. Parched...wilting...petals falling off one by one...
I feel this way because I do not belong, I do not belong in the house I live in, I do not belong with the people I live with. The evidence has been creeping up on me my whole life, now it has really settled in. And I am NOT just saying this because my mom and I got in a fight this morning. I am saying this because NOTHING is right. There is no "connection" that I long for. It just isnt right, plain and simple as that...I cant do anything about my environment as John would say, but I CAN change how I react to my environment, to some degree at least. Some things have to be learned, so I AM lacking in some areas but I CAN find a way to learn those things, I already am through close friends who have taken me in!
I am a flower in a dessert but I am learning to adapt...in the past and still in the present I have adapted by using things like ED to cope...now I am learning new ways to adapt. Those things are to focus on the FUTURE, spend more time with people who bring out the POSITIVE in me, and deal with the heat of this dessert one day at a time, so that I dont get discouraged when it looks like rain isnt coming any time soon...:)
On to other things, this afternoon/evening we leave for FAMILY CAMP!!! :D I have been to family camp about 7 years in a row now, first with my old church several years, but my new church has one also! It is at a lake somewhere and there will be swimming and campfires and a zipline and rock wall! And a game room, and great fellowship and worship! My favorite part of family camp is the fellowship with new friends and old! My best friends J and Kar wont be there but Kimberly will be so that will be fun! And I am hoping to meet new people too! Food is a bit of a worry, just knowing there will be bountiful amounts, not only at meals but with all the candy and such that people bring...I will NOT go overboard with the candy and junk food, I have a plan and I will stick to it! I may loose weight, I may not, but I will NOT gain, because that will freak me out and send me into a twirling cycle of doom...;) Ok, just kidding, but I know I will be ok! I am suuuuper excited tho! I also get to see my friend who moved out of town this summer! :D Alright, well I will tell you guys all about it when I get home!
Have a great Labor Day Weekend!!! :)
Maddi
xxx
Forex Trading Worth It
2 years ago
3 comments:
I can empathise with a feeling of not quite fitting in. I have always felt this way about my family home and home town, but now I just see my time here as a stepping stone to something better. I know where I want to go live, and what I want to do, now it's just a case of getting there.
You too will find your place in the world, in time, and with adulthood comes independence and new opportunities to find out who you are and where you want to go.
I love the positivity you are displaying, and yes, there are things you can't control, but you can control how you react.
Have fun at camp, and nourish your mind, body and soul :-)
Sarah x
I am so sorry about how you feel right now :( I don't know what to say other than I am sorry and I pray it gets better for you :/
Family camps are awesome!! I went to one when I lied in seattle, and I LOVED it! It was called Tall Timber, and it is JUST like you described. Maybe it is the same one?!?! That would be too cool!
Have a great time there,
praying,
scott
Don't go into this with the mindset of "I may loose weight, I may not, but I will NOT gain, because that will freak me out and send me into a twirling cycle of doom."
You are going to have to freak out now in order to live in the long term. Playing it safe and planning to loose weight or maintain this weight will not get you anywhere. It will make you very unhappy. The purpose of the camp is to help you grow spiritually, right? And indulging in your relationship with ED will prevent you from strengthening your relationship with God.
Leave ED behind. You will ahve to gain the weight back eventually, whether it is by yourself now or in the hospital later. What is holding you back? Take charge now, before you have no other choice.
Fight ED, not recovery.
Sending strength,
Lexi
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